Michael...

I had this conversation with my sister's boyfriend earlier today. I think he is a really special person and he has a lot of good advice...

Sarah: look at this....this is an email from jarrod... and he said...I finally reached the
point last week where I don't want anything to do with you anymore Sarah. I'm done. I'm ready to move on, and anything sounds better than being with you again.
Michael:
Wow... He certainly does have a way with words and an even more stunning way of burning bridges.
Sarah: yah, I'm glad he finally is over me (I still kinda doubt that he is) but he didn' have to be so mean
Michael: I am sure that he was just typing what he was hoping to be feeling. Using it as a way to get his feelings out without actually having to accept the feelings of hurt and loss that he is still going through.
The reason a lot of people drink is to try to forget about their problems and their pains. I'm sure that if and when he is sober he is still really hurting.
Sarah: yah, I hope things work out for him, but I hate him for making this my fault again
Michael: Sarah, as a second-hand observer, I don't see how any thing you have done has been malicious or cruel. You got out of a relationship that wasn't healthy for you or for him. In time he will realize that he was using you and that it was wrong. He may be sorry for it, or he might still think that you suck for making him grow up a little bit. Either way, you did what you needed to do and it will be better for both of you down the line.
Sarah: you are so awesome mikey. I agree with what you've said and I don't think that this is my fault at all, but his head is a little warped right now so it'll all work out
Michael: He doesn't have a real solid grip on reality... part of that is because he doesn't want to see that what he is doing is wrong, and part of it is because he is always so drunk that he doesn't have to deal with things. His perception of reality is always tainted by alcohol and his self-serving attitude.
If you need a little encouragement that doesn't come from a biased source, take a look at what you have to show for your time in Laramie and compare it to his. In a short time you'll have a degree and be doing something you really enjoy. Jarrod is living across the alley for Chris and drinking and playing computer games all day and night. It's going to take him some time to figure out what he wants to do with himself. When he does, hopefully he won't have already closed too many doors to get there.
Sarah: Mikey, I love you. You make me feel so much better about myself. thanks for your wisdom. I have to go to class now, but I will talk to you soon.
Michael: I love you too Sarah. Have fun in class and I will talk to you later. bye

Funny email...

This is an email I got from my ex today....it really made me laugh.

" I finally reached the point last week where I don't want anything to do with you anymore Sarah. I'm done. I'm ready to move on, and anything sounds better than being with you again."

Just thought I'd share!

How weird am I?

How weird am I? I was so excited about losing weight earlier today. I don't think I've lost it, I don't think like I've lost any, and I've felt like I've gained weight. Tonight my little's mom (from Big Brothers Big Sisters) asked me what my secret was. I asked her what she meant by that and she said she wanted to know how I've lost weight. I was shocked. Do I actually look like I've lost weight? I've now got a picture in my mind that I look gaunt or something. I hate body image. One second I'm thinking I'm doing pretty good, then I think I'm not. I was so skinny in high school and I don't want to look like that again, but I don't want to get fat either. I just don't know where the line is. I'm not terribly worried about it because I know I have a long way to go before I am considered fat, but it's all weird in my head. I am just insecure right now, and I hate feeling that way. I sometimes feel like I am only attractive to drunk boys, and I know that can't be true. Insecurities suck and whoever invented them is stupid. I'll wake up in the morning and feeling something completely opposite of what I'm feeling now. I'm so weird....

Soccer...

I was so excited to start this soccer season. I got my roster today and I don't have a single person from last season's team on this team. I have eleven completely new boys. I'm really kinda bummed about it. I know it will be ok and it will be fun, but I liked the ease I had around the parents and kids. I guess we'll just have to see how this season goes....

Working out...

I just went and worked out for over an hour. Yes, me. It's crazy how much easier it is when you have someone to talk to. My friend showed up about halfway through, when I was about to quit, and I just kept going. I ran for 10 minutes (and about died), did crunches and biked for 25 minutes and used 300 calories. The best thing is, I've lost six pounds since the last time I worked out (which was probably 6 weeks ago). That's a wonderful thing to see. I only have 4 more pounds to lose to get to my goal weight. I'm pretty stoked. We'll have to see if I can keep this working out thing going....

Saturday Night...

Well, I went and hung out with some of my friend's family last night and that was fun. Her cousin is really loud and my ears just couldn't take being there anymore, so I left and went to my other friends's house. It ended up being me and three guys playing drinking games. Of course, the guy I'm crushing on was there, but the more I'm around him, the more I think that he is not attracted to me. He's really hard to read and I'm not sure if what I think is true or not. I really hope not, but if he doesn't like me, then there are other fish in the sea. I'll have to talk to a friend to see what she says about it all...

Fun night...

I had such a fun night last night. I got to hang out with my friends and I wasn't bugged all night by a friend that usually gets bored and wants to go home after about five minutes. My friend's boyfriend and I ended up walking back to my place so I could get my car so I could take him home. I really like all the new people I've started hanging out with. I didn't really talk to the guy I'm crushing on last night because I just don't know what to do in groups of people. I don't want to be really forward or make a bold move because I'm afraid he'd be embarrassed and I'm afraid he'd reject me. I did notice however that he was giving me a lot more eye contact that he normally does. Maybe that's a good sign. I should be seeing him again today in an environment that has fewer people so we'll see what I do today....

Cheyenne...

I get to go visit my 4th grade classroom in cheyenne today. I'm really excited. I haven't seen these kids in a few months so it'll be a blast. I also love my mentor teacher. She's only 26 and we have a blast together. When I get back my friend and I will prolly go out and have some drinks and a lot of fun. It's gonna be a great day. I'm so excited....

Drinking...

This is going to be quite the week! I went to applebee's with a couple friends last night because one of them turned 21. So I ordered a drink there. Tonight is another friend's 21st birthday so she is making drinks at her place tonight. I will most definitely be having a drink there. Tomorrow night we always go out and have a few drinks at our friend's house. So I will be drinking yet again. And Saturday night, my friend's mother is coming into town so we will prolly be drinking with her. It sounds like I'm an alcoholic!! Oh well. I don't drink all that often and this week is special. Wish me luck ...

Dinner...

I went to dinner with some friends tonight because it was one of their's birthdays. It's so fun to just go hang out with the girls. I've missed doing that over the last few years. It's so much fun....

ARGHHHH!!!!!!!!

Just when I think that things are going great....my ex calls. I thought he was going to call and tell me how much I owe him for the phone bill. Well, he told me he has a job, and that is something crazy and new for him. Then he called me babe and I knew that he wasn't calling me about the phone bill. He said that he needed me as backup to talk to the phone people. Well, I was not going to go with him tomorrow anyways, but he called me back like 20 minutes later and told me to fuck it and that he was going by himself. He was just using it as an excuse to hang out with me. He makes me so damn mad sometimes!!!!!! I wish it would stop....

Back in class...

My teacher is so funny. she told us last week that we had a guest speaker today. well, we all were waiting for our teacher to show up and in she walks wearing a moomoo, glasses, a wig and fake teeth. It was really really funny. She talked with an accent and taught us in the way that teacher taught in the olden days. It was really funny and she was really embarrassed but she did it anyways. I like how some days are just amusing...

crazy...

I have a friend from high school who's 21. He just bought his second engagement ring. This time it's actually an engagement. He's planning an August wedding with a guest list that is SO FAR over 200 people. I just don't understand people sometimes. This kid has a lot of issues. He's had more girlfriends than anyone can count and has prolly cheated on every single one. It just blows my mind that this is happening... again. He has told every girl he's gone out with...even for a day...that he loves them and can see marriage in the future for the two of them. I just don't understand, but I guess it's not for me to understand...

Yacine...

My friend yacine is so awesome. It's awesome when you can remain friends with people from jr. high. It's too bad that he lives in Montana. We joke around on the internet and I can be weird with him and I know that no matter how weird I am, he's weirder. He told me today that the quilt I finished: "it's like a life transition...you start out small and then as you grow, you begin to go in different directions. You dont know which way you will be going next." How awesome to have a friend who can make that kind of shit up on the spot...

My new activity...

I decided to buy a sewing machine over spring break. Yes, me, a sewing machine, the girl who doesn't sew. Anyways... it's been a lot of fun. I learned a new way to quilt so I decided I was going to just jump right into it. I made my friend a pillow with the front of it quilted in asian material. It turned out really awesome. I've learned a few things about it and I will just be getting better and better (I hope). So I hope my friends likes her birthday present (it's her 21st!!!) I will give it to her tonight...

Back in the grind...

I really hate having to go back to classes after a nice relaxing break. The homework and stress start and it's back to normal life again. I start coaching soccer here soon. I have my coaches meeting next week and I am so excited to start again!! I brought down my shin guards and cleats so I can get in the practices and knock some little boys around. I get so competitive with 6 year olds...it's horrible. :) It's such a great experience and the boys really have a lot of fun. That's what I like most about this league: it's about fun, not winning. I hope you can come catch a game sometime...

Birthday party...

My friend and I threw a birthday party for another friend last night and it was so much fun!! We all had some drinks and we were just hanging out not really doing anything in particular until my friend decided that she would interpretive dance for us to her CD's. I have never laughed so hard in my life. Friends are just so wonderful!

Weird dreams...

I was having some messed up dreams last night and I thought I'd share. I dreamt that I was pregnant and in labor. And we didn't have time to get to the hospital so we stopped at safeway (it was like a birthing center) There were gurneys set up where the frozen food should've been and there were like 50 or more pregnant women lying on these gurneys in labor. There were a couple of nurses just catching the babies as they popped out. After I had my baby, I had to go to the produce department (the nursery) and pick up my baby. It was like getting a baby from the cabbage patch.

About this boy...

I've decided that I am going to keep trying to get this boy to talk to me. He's just really shy and I think that I can get him out of his shell. I'm feeling a lot bolder and confident these days with my new hair cut and a positive attitude. I guess I'll just have to see what happens...

Spring Break...

I just got back from Colorado from my friend's house and it was soooooo much fun! I got te meet a lot of her friends from down there and it was really fun to just hang out with her family. Now I'm back in Casper for the week. I'm going to work in my mom's classroom for a couple of days and just hang out. I needed a break so bad!! It's been a fun spring break so far and I know I will have fun the rest of the week...

Spring Break!!!

I'm so excited for Spring Break! I have needed to get away from school and Laramie for a while now. School has just been too stressful. I need to have some fun. I'm going to Colorado today to meet a friend's family so that will be exciting. Then I'm going home for the rest of the week so I can go to the dentist, get some hours in observing for a class, and hanging out with mom and dad. It'll be fun. I'm really not going to want to come back to school...

Hmmmm....

What does it mean when an ex-boyfriend tells you not to do anything stupid over spring break? I wonder what he means by stupid....

Friends...

Friends are so wonderful. I love getting together with them where I can be myself and not have to worry about them judging me. I had the opportunity to hang out with my girls tonite, some new friends, some old, and it's so nice to just have time to relax. It was a wonderful wine night!

What the hell...

God my ex pisses me off!!! My ex-boyfriend came over today and he told me that he's finally realized why he hated me talking to my parents every night. He said that I was the only thing he had, and I had four people for support (him, my parents, and my sisiter). He basically said that I should only rely on him for everything. He wanted me to choose between my family or him. I don't know why he would ever think I would give up my family. Family is always first. I am so mad that he would even think to make me choose. Am I wrong? Should I have to choose? Arghhhh.....

Tonight is wine night!

I love wine night. Who wouldn't? I get to hang out with all my girlfriends and have some dinner and wine. I try to have it once a week, but I would like to have it more often ;) It's too much fun! I get to go to Colorado with a friend tomorrow and I am so excited. I haven't been out of town for a while. It should be fun!

My baby B-Drizzle...

My friend IM'ed me the other day and said "we have a problem. It's pink." I was really confused. I asked what he was talking about and he said, "It's pink. I'm pregnant, and you're the mommy." I asked him how far along he was, and he said 8 1/2 months and it's due tomorrow. He asked if I could feel it kicking and of course I could. So she's going to be a soccer player like her parents. Then he asked if I could hear it screaming. Of course I could. He said of course she's a screamer, she's just like her mother. :) Sure enough, we had a baby yesterday... trust me you don't want to know how boys have babies...very messy.. Daddy decided to name the baby B-Drizzle - b for baby and drizzle because she drools. We're very proud of her.

7 Wonders...

A teacher asked her students to name the seven natural wonders of the world. Most students correctly answered the question to what the teacher was looking for. However, she had one little girl who gave her a completely different perspective on the question. The girl had these answers written on her paper:
1. To see 2. To smell 3. To touch 4. To hear 5. To taste 6. To love 7. To laugh

My first date...

I had my first date this past weekend. I don't think I have ever really dated. In high school, we would just hang out with friends and I most likely already knew and was friends with the person I was "dating". Well, my friends have been trying to set me up with their friend since my last relationship ended. Three weeks ago, I went to a party and his house without my friends (a very brave thing for me to do). I was the last person to leave and this boy and I started talking. Of course we had had a little to drink. I was sobering quickly but he was still pretty far gone. We started talking and I enjoyed it a lot. I felt really comfortable with him and I thought there was a connection. I ended up staying at his house that night. I didn't trust myself to drive, and who doesn't want to have a hot make-out session with a great guy. Well, it turns out I'm the only girl he's ever had stay over, and that was definitely the first time I had ever stayed with a boy. Well, I ended up seeing him a couple times afterwards, but he's really shy, and I am too so we didn't talk to each other. He was afraid I was expecting more from him than he was ready for. My friend talked to him and she told him that I have never done that before, and that I thought there was some kind of connection, but that I screwed things up with him by staying over. Well, we were supposed to talk to each other a couple times over the weekend and I never did. So I got up the nerve to ask if he wanted to go out to dinner. I have never called a boy ever so it was really scary to me. Anyways, where this whole long rambling story is going.... We went out to dinner on sunday. I had a lot of fun, we talked a lot and got to know each other a little more. He's kinda a hard guy to read so I think he had fun, but I'm not 100% sure. I hope that we get to go do something again, and I'm sure that I will hang out at his house a lot (since that is where most of the parties are). I have no expectations right now. I don't want to get my hopes up at this point in time. It was fun and that's all that matters.

A little background...

Three months ago I got out of a four year relationship that I've had since high school. It's amazing how life can do a 180 at least expected time. When he broke up with me, I was pretty upset for the first week or so, but as the days went on, things got better. I've heard that hindsight is 20/20. It is so true. I never realized how unhappy I was in that relationship. I didn't have fun; I never went out with friends; I let him take advantage of me. I am so happy that my life has turned out the way it has. I'm having fun. I'm doing things I never thought I would do. I am really enjoying discovering who I am again. For two long I was part of a couple, always the two of us paired together. I think I lost some of my individuality with him. Life is amazing. I have friends, I have fun, I smile, I laugh, I take things as they come and don't worry as much as I used to. I've come to learn that if I am positive, things are awesome. I've learned how strong I am. Life is great!

My first post

This is a pretty cool thing. I have two awesome friends who set this up for me, so thank you to both of them! I have class all day today, so it's going to be a long one. I will definitely have to get on here later and write more!

Today's quote:
"People who only CAN succeed, don't. People who WILL succeed, do"