Bad night...

I've had a bad night. I was all psyched to do something tonight and I chickened out. I won't call people to see if something is going on because I feel like I am having to beg them to let me hang out with them. It makes me feel like such a loser. Then of course, my friends bail on me this weekend, which I don't blame them. I'm not their whole life. Then my fucking ex calls me, drunk and giggling. He tells me it's my fault that he called because I told him never. Then i'm a huge bitch to him because he just won't go away. I hate having to be mean. It's not in my nature. But HE PISSES ME OFF SOOOO BAD!! I just don't know what to do anymore....